On the Fox network's Funniest Wedding Outtakes, Thursday evening, a
"home video" show of humorous wedding events, one segment had a waiter
bringing a "money tree" to the happy couple's table during their
reception. It's a paper tree with wads of paper money from their
relatives and friends. There are these lovely candles at the table, and
of course the tree comes a little too close and catches fire. As the
quick-thinking waiter carries the flaming mass out of the hall, the show
host, Katie Sagal, does a comical voice-over of the things that the
money gone up in smoke won't buy: the electrolysis for the bride... the
koi pond... the Scientology donations.
contributed by Hud Nordin
On the 15 Sept 2002 episode of the HBO show "Curb Your Enthusiasm", there was a bit about a restaurant that some characters were starting up; they were talking about the uniforms that the waiters were wearing and one of the characters apparently didn't like the uniforms and said something about "It looks like we have a bunch of Scientologists working here or something!"
9 July 01
Even stomach flu has its advantages; cramps not only saved me from
studying math, but allowed me to watch the season finale of the National
Enquirer's "UNCOVERED" syndicated TV show. Kinda like a perverted
"Entertainment Tonight" that's not afraid to stick a pin in
$cientology's bubble.
One of the "fake" news items covered was that John Travolta and the
$cientologists would be moving to their own planet "where they can live
on their own hot air."
Travolta came up again in a piece on actors who had "jumped the shark,"
that is, committed career-ending blunders onscreen. They noted,
however, that having "jumped the shark" with Battlefield Earth, he
appeared to be clinging to the back of a "Swordfish" with the help of
"Halle Berry's floatation devices."
Tom Cruise came in for a nomination as "most litigious" actor following
his lawsuit against those who seem to think he may be gay. He was
advised by the show to check with Nicole's lawyers if he wins, since the
check would be made out to her anyway.
27 June 01 Martin Short on "Prime Time Glick", interviewing Dennis
Miller:
>
> Miller: "So what's your take on Scientology?"
>
> Short: "As far as I can tell, they take you up into a huge spaceship and
> make you sign a huge check, and if you refuse, they kill you."
I saw that, and laughed my ass off.
Of course, I think the quote was, "As far as I can tell, they take you out
into the desert, make you sign a huge check, and if you refuse, they kill
you."
Dennis Miller, of course, shut up quick, at that point. He was willing to
mock, lightly, but seemed very quick to back away from joining in with
Short's outright assessment of evil intent.
April 2001 A few months ago, in the comic Life in Hell:
Akbar: Master, am I Enlightened?
Jeff: You have achieved Level 1 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I cleaned out my savings account for you.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 2 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I borrowed $10,000 from my parents and gave you all the money.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 3 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I sold my rare coin collection on E-bay and gave you everything.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 4 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I pawned my guitar and gave you the money.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 5 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I took a night job and I gave you every paycheck.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 6 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I revised my will, making you my sole beneficiary.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 7 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: How many levels of Enlightenment are there, anyway?
Jeff: The answer to that question is
slightly out of your price range.
Excerpt from
Comedy Central Show #1126
Where everybody knows you are insane.
devote Scientologists Kristi Alley will play a
psychiatrist in an upcoming woody allen film
despite the church's vehement disdain for
professional therapy. Here is Scientology
Founder and Science Fiction Writer
L Ron Hubbard:
[Graphic Kristi Alley, tile says : L Ron Hubbard]
"Psychiatry has to do with the insane,
we have nothing to do with the insane
whatsoever, eh - ahh
The insane.....well theyre insane...."
Hubbard went on to babble he'd rather have a bottle
in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
L Ron's Body was then dragged from his
grave by sickly zombies with ashen faces chanting:
"Show me the money"
"Show me the money"
[Graphic Tom Cruise]
Hubbards church known in some circles as
the "beard religion to the stars" has for
years actively recruited popular entertainers
to endorse their creepy faith.
In a related story wee thespain Tom CRuise
in accordance with Scientology
quidelines has never bred
bodies for evil purposes or had sex with birds.
[end of segment]
I saw a re-run of a Simpsons episode, the one where they visit
"Itchy & Scratchy Land". Sometime, Bart & Lisa visit the gift shop,
where they find different plush animals, that were the
"friends" of Itchy & Scratchy. One of them was
the "Ku Klux Klam". It was a triangular clam,
looking a bit like a KKK member.
ROFL!!! One should make a drawing ofthis
and write "A R C" around it.
--Tilman Hausherr [KoX, SP4] tilman@berlin.snafu.de http://www.xenu.de
On Sunday, February 27, Fox TV,
Matt Groening's other clever animated show, Futurama, had a mollusc moment:
at the theater, the characters paused to look at a
movie poster for "Planet of the Clams".Eww.
What a disgusting thought.
--Hud Nordin <hud@netcom.com> Silicon Valley
From Penn and Teller: "There was only one good thing about the
Challenger disaster, it blew that rat bastard L Ron Hubbard's
obituary off the front page"