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Non-scientology funnies:

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WWII Game Recap

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Laughing at Scientology's Expense

What would you get if you cross breed a Borg with a Ferengi?
Answer - a scientologist...

Hud Nordin reported on ars:

Colbert Report host Stephen Colbert interviewed US astronaut Garrett Reisman aboard the International Space Station, Thursday, May 8.

Comedy Channel video, LINK about 9 minutes in:
At the end of the segment (about 8:41 in):
Colbert: In closing, if any aliens are listening in, I just want to say I'm totally with you... and I welcome our alien puppet masters... Hail XENU!

Astronaut Reisman: (Laughs and pumps fist.) I'll make sure I tell them you said that, Stephen. They won't come looking for you.

Scientology,
Hubbard's sci-fi "religion" --
Laughed at in space, too.

--

"How about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?" -- Frank Zappa, to a concert audience at the Rockpile, Toronto, May 1969

Commodore Rim Job - and more musical hits, that Scientology won't like HERE


Here we have a monolog from last night, a talk show.KIMMEL on ABC Network

This is about Chef's new job - doing voice over work for Tom Cruise - Watch this HERE

Seinfeld runs into a Scientologist LINK

March 22, 2006 - David Letterman's Top Ten List :

Top 10 Signs your Spring Break was LAME:

#2 - #2. Your congo line leads you to one of the $cientology Centers. !!

Comedy Central - South Park - March 22 - Another episode skewers Scientology -

"They get their revenge on everyone: Isaac Hayes for quitting the show because of Scientology (showing him not only to be a brainwashed fool, but a pederast) and Scientology through the thinly veiled cult they depict." (quote by a famous author, links by Arnie Lerma)

"The Mormons should be happy because Scientology came along and made them the second weirdest"
Bill Maher - March 2006


This is a must see Flash Animation about Xenu, the body thetans and $cientology, based on the Fishman documents that I was sued for posting to the net ten years ago.

image from xenu and the space aliens flash animation

Conan O'brien lets Scientology respond to criticism, appearing, wearing an OTVIII banner, is Scientology's spokesperson, McCheese.

picture of OTVIII McCheese, Scientology spokesperson

Ok, there is no way to track, all the media on Tom Cruise and now, Katie Holmes... but if you havent seen this movie.. It is a parody of the tom cruise episode on Oprah, it is hysterically funny..."Tom Cruise Killing Oprah"

July 2005, Mad Magazine has the following clever quip in its spoof of Batman Begins:

I thought you were one of those whackos trying to sign me up for Scientology

if you want to read ONE Magazine article that will scare the hell out of you, from LIFE MAGAZINE about Scientology, read THIS ONE, and, a big THANK YOU to TOM CRUISE, for helping to get the word out about Scientology's true nature.

June Webstats:

lermanet.com Webstats going way up thanks to Tom Cruise 's meltdown on Oprah


Scientology losing ground to new Fictionology -
Parody of Dianetics and Scientology at its best

The Onion skewers L Ron Hubbard's Dianetics and Scientology scam - 4 stars rated by lermanet.com - image of Bud Don Ellroy's book Imaginetics Fictionology!

Go to TheOnion.com ( Four stars - very funny )

NEW - The Tom Cruise Safe Movie Watching kit - Now on SALE!!!

Hunter Thompson on Scientology
(From the interview "Going, going, gonzo"):

HST: Being a writer in America is very hard. A freelance writer. I'd like a monument to me indicating that you can do it. If you don't lie.

Times: If you don't lie?

HST: Yeah. That's a tricky thing to say. Yeah. I've been pretty honest, I guess, with what I've written. The only thing that would hurt me would be to be accused of some[thing] really horrible, the kind of crimes I jump on people for - Lies, treachery. If it came out I was working for Scientology all this time. (Laughs.)

(rest at): http://www.lubbockonline.com/news/071097/going.htm

Jan 26 2005 - Comedy Central
Yankerville Scientology Center

Last night on Comedy Central's TV show called Crank Yankers, a skit began by showing the Yankerville Scientology Center with two xenu type characters floating down the front stairs. The show made no further mention of them but went on to a funny skit about the Costume Store next door to them.

http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/crankyankers/

Goonmeet meets at NY Scientology!

Excerpt: "Now we went in there knowing we were going to act up and eventually be kicked out. So here's my best recollection of how this went down:

The movie started, we started coughing really noisily, we started clapping WAY too loudly and cheering the movie's opening credits, we shushed people so obscenely loud, we shouted catchphrases at the screen. And the scientologists started getting nervous, they started pacing around the edges of the theater, wondering what to do.

And then we went nuts

Some goon busted out an airhorn and started letting loose with it. Another goon (Javaman) blew up an inflatable sex doll, and tossed it around, Another goon took his shirt off and sat their topless while an usher asked him to put his shirt back on (his response to "sir can you please put your shirt back on?" "No, not really") Dodgeballs started being tossed around.

After 5 or so minutes of this, they started kicking us out

I was one of the first thrown out, and me and several goons started forming an exit strategy, we called goons still inside watching the movie, and gave them the orders to "make a scene and stand up and walk out" eventually they started filing out.

A few unlucky goons were cornered and couldn't make it out right away and were confronted by scientologists, and were forced to be e-metered....

Link to Somethingawful.com site Continues HERE

Presented by Fadetoblack comedy magazine, all the answers to this hilarious quiz based on a comparison of Dr Seuss to L Ron Hubbard exist on lermanet.com

Squidetics

Hackles Cartoon about Squidentology and Squidentics
July 22, 2003

The Amazing Troutman - Defender of Sticks a compilation of this wit's funniest posts to the newsgroup alt.religion.scientology

From TelevisionCity:
65. Welcome Back Kotter-
Barbarino: Mr. Kotter, what does Dianetics mean?
Kotter: Vinnie, it means don't drink the grape kool aid.
submitted by Android Cat

April 2003 - the movie "Laurel Canyon." A movie not afraid of Scientology. At the beginning of the movie a couple are going to LA from back east. The parents of the woman say "we don't want her to go out there and become a Scientologist or a vegetarian." and then everybody laughs. This was in the trailer as well. - by Jeff Jacobsen

Feb 3, 2003 - Futurama - It has a "Church of Star Trek" with a sign outside:

THE SCI-FI CHURCH THAT DOESN'T TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY

Comedian, guitarist, and all-around cool girl at school: Kimmy G. takes us into a Scientology center and actually completes the personality test.
[LINK to Girlcomic.net article ]

Fox network's Funniest Wedding Outtakes,
Oct 31, 2002,
A "home video" show of humorous wedding events, one segment had a waiter bringing a "money tree" to the happy couple's table during their reception. It's a paper tree with wads of paper money from their relatives and friends. There are these lovely candles at the table, and of course the tree comes a little too close and catches fire. As the quick-thinking waiter carries the flaming mass out of the hall, the show host, Katie Sagal, does a comical voice-over of the things that the money gone up in smoke won't buy: the electrolysis for the bride... the koi pond... the Scientology donations.....

contributed by Hud Nordin Silicon Valley

Scientology's Funny Photo's (the man with no head)
Washington Post Article with links to images
Man with No Head page ONE
Man with No Head page TWO

The Door Magazine
12 Least Known Teachings of Scientology

1) Scientologist doctors recommend that all thetans who want to be clear and disease free undergo a regimen of proper auditing and constant expulsion of liquid assets of at least $300,000 in order to drain completely their minds (and bank accounts).

2) [ for rest of this accurate and funny series go HERE]

On the 15 Sept 2002 episode of the HBO show "Curb Your Enthusiasm", there was a bit about a restaurant that some characters were starting up; Larry David becomes a partner in a restaurant along with Ted Danson and Michael York. David offers to pick out the waiter's uniforms. When he returns with a blue shirt with a clear miltary bent, including epaulettes, one of the other partners, played by Lou DiMaggio, says, "They might think we have Scientologists for wait people."

MAD MAGAZINE #421 September 2002 Page 15

Star Bores - EPIC LOAD II
Attack of the Clowns

I'm Chancellor Palpatation, head of the Senate! I have to be very careful that anything I say or do doesn't cause an all-out war with the Separatwits! The Separatwits have the ability to produce millions of clones ready to do their bidding - sort of like Scientologists, but less scary!


Top 10 Things NOT to say on a first date : [ from http://www.brassknuckles.net/humor/john/firstdate.php ]

3) A lot of people think Scientology is a cult but that's not true. In fact, I want you to come to a meeting with me tomorrow to prove it. No I insist, you will come to the meeting tomorrow! You don't want the Thetans to eat your soul do you?


Scientology vs The weekly World News March 2002

Link to page HERE
"Read each quote, and try to determine if it's from one of
L. Ron Hubbard's©TM®TM©®
ScientologyTM©®TM© texts or from the Weekly World News
(a supermarket tabloid.) Don't worry, it's a difficult test,
but it doesn't count toward your GPA. We promise."


From MAD (tm) Magazine - XL #14 March 2002
Page 34
"Let's see...
They take us away from our families,
they tell us what to read, how to act and what to
think -- oh my gosh, Hogwarts is just a big cover
for Scientology!

This is from an interview with Robin Williams, He makes the ultimate connection -- Enron and El Ron.
Interviewer: Speaking of energy plans, what on earth went wrong with Enron?

Robin Williams: The employees being led on at the very end while the executives were selling stock like crazy was like people on the deck of the Titanic saying, ''We are fine, and we are booking passage for the way back.'' Enron Hubbard, the church of profitology -- aliens came to this planet with the idea of selling energy. It's almost like, ''From the people who brought you the S&L. bailout.'' It's a similar school of investment. How do you make money from a loss? You hide it!

New York Times
Sunday magazine 2/17/2002

Link to song "I got an Avagram" (Ava Paquette being the more recent author of numerous Scientology legal threat letters recently, she replaced Helena Kobrin) below
{ Image from the 1995 RAID on my home )

kob3.jpg (26767 bytes)

          Read the Helena Kobrin Love Page

"In order to feel safer on his private jet, John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late" Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live

smallcultfiction.jpg (11273 bytes)

Lermanet's Trash Battlefield Earth FAQ #1

- These reviews are still funny to read  time.jpg (13170 bytes)     

  Lermanet's Trash Battlefield Earth FAQ #2 -

9 July 01

Even stomach flu has its advantages; cramps not only saved me from studying math, but allowed me to watch the season finale of the National Enquirer's "UNCOVERED" syndicated TV show. Kinda like a perverted "Entertainment Tonight" that's not afraid to stick a pin in $cientology's bubble.

One of the "fake" news items covered was that John Travolta and the $cientologists would be moving to their own planet "where they can live on their own hot air."

Travolta came up again in a piece on actors who had "jumped the shark," that is, committed career-ending blunders onscreen.

They noted, however, that having "jumped the shark" with Battlefield Earth, he appeared to be clinging to the back of a "Swordfish" with the help of "Halle Berry's floatation devices."

Tom Cruise came in for a nomination as "most litigious" actor following his lawsuit against those who seem to think he may be gay. He was advised by the show to check with Nicole's lawyers if he wins, since the check would be made out to her anyway.

From: http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0201/faq_enron/

excerpt:

Q: Who founded Enron?

A: N. Ron Hubbard, creator of the Church of Scientology—another group
under investigation by nearly every agency of the U.S. government.


Hubbard wrote Enron's mission statement, which espouses
self-determinism; the belief that Operating Thetans Level VIII have full awareness, memory and ability independent of the physical universe; and selling short while there's still time to get out.

April 2001 A few months ago, in the comic Life in Hell:
Akbar: Master, am I Enlightened?
Jeff: You have achieved Level 1 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I cleaned out my savings account for you.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 2 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I borrowed $10,000 from my parents and gave you all the money.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 3 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I sold my rare coin collection on E-bay and gave you everything.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 4 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I pawned my guitar and gave you the money.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 5 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I took a night job and I gave you every paycheck.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 6 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: But I revised my will, making you my sole beneficiary.
Jeff: You have achieved Level 7 of Enlightenment.
Akbar: How many levels of Enlightenment are there, anyway?
Jeff: The answer to that question is slightly out of your price range.

I saw a re-run of a Simpsons episode, the one where they visit

"Itchy & Scratchy Land". Sometime, Bart & Lisa visit the gift shop,   where they find different plush animals, that were the
"friends" of Itchy & Scratchy. One of them was  the "Ku Klux Klam". It was a triangular clam, looking a bit like a KKK member.

ROFL!!! One should make a drawing of this  and write "A R C" around it.
--Tilman Hausherr [KoX, SP4] tilman@berlin.snafu.de http://www.xenu.de

 

Silicon Valley From Magician's Penn and Teller:
"There was only one good thing about the Challenger disaster, it blew that rat bastard L Ron Hubbard's obituary off the front page"

Still More Laughing
at Scientology's Expense


Fun with Scientology
DIARRHETICS!
Play with Hubbard's face
Parody Images
Dept of Silly Wins [tm]
Parody Images
Woggos Arcade
Celebrity Wuss Scale
HubRambo
L Donald Blubbard
Critics Fun Page
Kobrin Love Page
The Nut In The Hat
DIANETECH
BOOK OF CLAM
RELIGION INC.
MY WEBSITE
goats on BTs
Homegame Cult
Body Thetan Society
Scientology Cartoon Page
Sign Petition
Dr Suess Parody
Taliban vs Scientology
Copywrong Law
Scientology Fiction
Clambakers
Select Dictionary of Terms
Hubbard's Cupboard
XEMU's webpage
Scientology Parody Booklist
Operation Footbullet
Intro Parody
Clam FAQ
OTIII Quiz
The Ultimate Implant

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Games Inspired by Crackpots : Scientology : The Board Game

kirstie alley demonstrates her super mental abilities gains in Scientology

Above: Kirstie Alley demonstrates her super-duper mental abilities gained in L Ron Hubbard's expensive scam - Scientology

Below: Comedy Central Show #1126

Where everybody knows you are insane.
Devout Scientologist Kristi Alley will play a psychiatrist in an upcoming Woody Allen film despite the church's vehement disdain for professional therapy. Here is Scientology Founder and Science Fiction Writer L Ron Hubbard:

[Graphic Kristi Alley, tile says : L Ron Hubbard]
"Psychiatry has to do with the insane, we have nothing to do with the insane   whatsoever, eh - ahh The insane.....well theyre insane...." Hubbard went on to babble he'd rather have a bottle
in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

L Ron's Body was then dragged from his grave by sickly zombies with ashen faces chanting: "Show me the money"
"Show me the money" [Graphic Tom Cruise]

Hubbards church known in some circles as the "beard religion to the stars" has for years actively recruited  popular entertainers
to endorse their creepy faith.

In a related story wee thespain Tom Cruise in accordance with Scientology quidelines has never bred bodies for evil purposes or had sex with birds.

[end of segment]

NEW - Show Me the Money segment Video clip - 17 megabytes, real media

SSupport lermanet.com,


27 June 01  Martin Short on "Prime Time Glick", interviewed by Dennis Miller:


Miller: "So what's your take on Scientology?"

Short: "As far as I can tell, they take you up into a huge spaceship and make you sign a huge check, and if you refuse, they kill you."

[I saw that, and laughed my ass off.

Dennis Miller, of course, shut up quickly at that point. He was willing to mock, lightly, but seemed very quick to back away from joining in with Short's outright assessment of evil intent.]


Friday night 8 Feb 2002 on Politically Incorrect, Malcolm McDowell and Jack Black of Tenacious D were discussing the "super powers" that religious leaders have. Jack Black pointed out that Jesus had walking on water, Buddah had levitation, Mohammad had a horse he rode into heaven, and L. Ron Hubbard had ... Malcolm McDowell interjected with, "the power to make people give up their money," to which Jack added "and the power to spot miniscule aliens and zap them." A good laugh was had by all.

 


On Sunday, February 27, Fox TV,

Matt Groening's other clever animated show, Futurama, had a mollusc moment: at the theater, the characters paused to look at a  movie poster for "Planet of the Clams"..
What a disgusting thought. --Hud Nordin hud@netcom.com

 

Troutman Parody Pages

OT Phenomena Successes 'n other Silly Scientology Stuff

 


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