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Journal of Clinical Medicine 1951- Editorial - Dianetics

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I was a public Scientologist from 1995 until 2005, when I finally got beaten down enough to join the Sea Organization at FLAG. I was auditing on OT VII at the time. I realize now that it was the best thing I could have done, because waht I saw there caused me to leave. I'll never again have to spend my money on bogus cuses, like auditing or "helping clear the planet". As horrifying as my experience was, it did wake me up! And life goes on.

I'll start by just listing a few of the many outpoints I saw (I made my decision to leave based on WHAT I ACTUALLY SAW THERE, not the internet or anything else. As a "good Scientologist", I didn't pay any attention to "entheta". My purpose here is to share with others my own experiences, so that they don't need to spend over a million dollars, and join the SO, just to learn what I now know.)

1. The "tech" isn't applied to the staff at all. Examples of this- if PTSness causes all illnesses, and the tech exists to handle this, why do the staff get sick? And, why do they immediately get put into isolation if they get sick?

If auditing really works, and "OTs" are more powerful, why doesn't the staff get auditing? I was on OT VII, but sleep deprivation, lack of vitamins, low-protein diet, and lack of suitable available auditing rooms cut WAY down on my sessions. Eventually, I just gave up (and I was only there for 3 months!).

I was posted in the Solo NOTS HGC, as a Director of Processing. I immediately became concerned at seeing how many people who were "on OT VII" were not auditing (over 1/3). The other D's of P were not, except for one, who was allowed special hours and could drive her car to work. She occasionally got a session. The others didn't audit. The C/Ses didn't audit. The staff was not allowed to do six month checks. I thought, but if LRH says you have to be sessionable and get 8 hours sleep and eat protein and take certain vitamins and get your six month check, WHY isn't "standard tech" being followed?? The recruiters had told me that I would get all of the above-8 hours sleep, good food, vitamins provided, a room to audit in, etc. This was ALL LIES.

The Solo I/C finished OT VII, but hadn't gone to do OT VIII for months after. Why? If "going OT" is so desirable and important? Again, I was told that when I finished, I would be on the ship within 2 days to do OT VIII. Another lie.

2. The main method used to control the staff in the FSO is intimidation, threats, and invalidation.

I expected a very calm, sane environment there, where everyone was "OT" and helped each other and things got done. Guess again!! Not only does no one teach you how to do your post, they HINDER you- a good example of this is the fact that I was there for 2 months and STILL had no computer log in. I was supposed to be a D of P, and contact "my" public, but I had no log-in. No matter how many reports I wrote, it didn't happen. At first, I thought it was just incompetence. But, it isn't. It's INTENTIONAL.

I was told that my husband and I would always have the same schedule, that we could eat together, and have the same days off. Another lie. We had ONE day off together in the 3 months we were there.

The screaming, foul language, and invalidation, caused a general unease in the area that was so thick you could cut it with a knife. People in the SO have very low morale. They can't trust each other. They won't help each other. Once the Board I/C, Geary Titus, actually STOMPED on my feet when I was new, and trying to look at the availability of auditing rooms for my public to use. I was always being told "there aren't any rooms". Anything that can be done to impede your progress IS DONE.

This, then, caused me to question "What's really going on here?" Obviously, doing my job as a D of P isn't what's really supposed to happen. Otherwise, the "admin tech" would be applied, and the organization would be efficient, right?

Who's doing this screaming? The CO, the DCO, RTC, the senior D of P, the Solo I/C, and on ad infinitum. It appeared that the only way to get "to the top" would be to act like that. I saw right away that this wasn't for me.

3. I was told too many lies.

4. I saw that the public were ridiculed, to some extent. Thier sessions were videotaped, their overts and withholds publicly discussed in the HGC. This is contrary to the "priest/penitent confidentiality" that is supposedly there.

5. "Valuable" staff members, such as auditors, were treated like dirt.

There actually is a part of staff meeting where staff members can be held up to ridicule for any reason- the "It's got nothing to do with me" club. When I first saw this, I was astounded. A staff member that I knew well was put into this "downstat club". He was forced to stay an extra 2 hours after his usual day (so he could only get about 4 hours sleep, at best), to do "MEST work". I thought, why didn't they just apply the conditions?

6. The C/Ses only got about 4 hours of sleep, and sometimes were forced to stay up all night. These are the people who are "programming your case"!! They don't audit. They don't get refreshers. They aren't allowed to drive their cars, because one had a wreck when he was too tired to be driving.

7. The buses are overloaded and the drivers are sleep-deprived. The law is violated multiple times daily, as the capacity of the buses is written on a placque in the front of the bus. The buses run late, and there are not enough, but if you are late for your "post", boy, are you in trouble!

8. There are at least 3 people watching each staff member work- security guards, ethics officers, "inspections" officers, CMO, etc. If each staff member actually did something besides spy on other staff members, there might actually be production going on!

This is just the beginning- these are only a few of the outpoints I saw. And I have many many examples of each, that I saw with my own eyes.

There is an evil pall over the Hacienda. No one smiles. No one uses the pool or fitness center. They have no time. They have no energy. They are being kept in and spied on and prevented from leaving. Sure, you can have a car. But, did anyone tell you that you have to do CAR SCHOOL in order to drive it? And ahve a signed "CSW"? More about that later!

My husband left with me. I was threatened by the "ESTO" and told that I was a "suppressive person" because I had spoken to my husband about leaving the SO. How did they know that? Bugged my room or something? But of course, it only makes sense to talk to your own husband, and actually, we made an agreement that if one of us wasn't happy that we would stay together no matter what (before joining). It just so happened that we were BOTH miserable- what a surprise!!

We were lucky, though, to have each other at that time. Even though we are both pretty tough, it was scary. I was sure that the next tactic would be to separate us, and get us out of our room, and that we would lose all the expensive furniture that we brought as well as our lives (not kidding here). My husband had been a $cientologist for 34 years, and has a lot of family members that are in the SO or on staff elsewhere (including his son). He wanted to "route out standardly". I did not. After 4 days of pure lies and bullshit, he agreed to go. After all, his family was going to disconnect from us no matter what. It was too late to worry about being "declared suppressive", and I realized that it was meaningless, if you are not planning to go back and do any services. (I had already been told by various "terminals" that I was suppressive, as I had spoken to another SO member-my husband-about wanting to leave, and had been having fights with the status quo since arriving, as I felt that I was being -excuse my language- "fucked with". (i was!!)).

So many SO members are alone, penniless, foreign (and the SO tries to take your passport), and unfamiliar with the area, so it becomes a much harder thing to just stand up to them and walk away. A common thing that is done is moving a member's posessions to another room with no warning. This severs ties with roommates that might get too friendly, and confide in each other. Really, when in the SO, you are alone. You have no one to talk to. Any complaints will go uplines, and there's a good chance you will go to the RPF, and never be seen again. You have to be tough as nails to get out, and relly believe in yourself- which is hard to do once you've been indoctrinated (brainwashed) enough to join the SO.

While in the SO, confusion rules, even if you're tough and willing to believe in yourself. So, I can't say that I saw that all the "tech" was bullshit right then. Pieces of the puzzle fell into place later, after I was away from that environment, when I had enough sleep, and food. The first day out was great! I ate and ate and ate!! I lost 30 pounds in 2 months there. I was, without a doubt, malnourished. I had a huge ridge in my big toenail that marked the entry into the SO, and the escape. We slept and swam in the pool and just enjoyed being alive. I will say, again, that I never once missed the sessions AT ALL. I didn't even realize for about a week that I hadn't gone in session- then I thought, HOW GREAT! FREEDOM AT LAST!

My opinion of the "tech" is this: it is all a control mechanism. From day one, you are asked what you ate and told what to eat. Etc. You have to sit and wait and wait for the auditor. It's a light gradient, but realize that a lot of those things LRH talks about, like the "gradient scale", is being used on you as you are learning about it! HA HA the joke's on you!! The "six month check" is just another way to try to get more dirt on the public, to use against you when needed. It wasn't so much that I agreed with any of it, but the fact that what public is told is "standard tech" and what was done is so different, that I just started to take a look. The SO is the cult, Scientology is just the tools used to get you enslaved into it.

I thought, why?? This makes no sense. Why would anyone recruit a high-paying public like me, knowing that there is a good chance that I'll see it for the scam it is? My only answer is that insanity makes no sense. The SO is run by insane beings. LRH was an insane person, as well, in my opinion. DM is FOR SURE evil and insane. One goal of the cult is to enslave the planet. (Food for thought here- the terrorists who flew into the World Trade Center trained as pilots in FL. That's common knowledge. Did you know that they did at least 2 illegal landings-at night- at Clearwater Airpark? Right by the Hacienda. Coincidence? )

So, each slave gotten must seem worth it, to them. Also, if people know you, and you join, they think they should too. So, if anyone did that because of me, I am truly sorry. That is partly why I am writing these things now. (One thing that influenced my decision was that the recruiter told me that a friend of mine, who was also on OT VII, and who worked for NASA, had quit his job and was coming into the SO to run the machines for the perception rundown. He didn't arrive- I saw him later, and he was getting divorced, had quit his job, and who knows what else. I hope he didn't ever get there. He was bringing his kids who were about 10 and 12 years old.)

To try and answer the questions about leaving- I can tell a little here, would take forever to write it all. I had no interest in the "sec check" and routing out. My husband was concerned at first, so I went along with him. We were told that a certain person was our "terminal". She had us sit down in the MAA office in the Coachman and wait. She said she would be right back. This was on the night of July 4, 2005. She left us there for hours and never came back. Some security guards came and made a phone call, and screamed at someone in front of us (I'm sure, to try to show us how tough they were.) We were told to come back tomorrow. So, we did. We wore regular clothes. We got screamed at and were told to wear our uniforms. We were supposed to sit in some little room, off the MAA office in the Coachman building, where there wern't enough chairs. Nobody really told us what to do. We waited and waited and some of the other "ethics particles" told us that we were supposed to go to the dining room after everyone else had eaten and that we could go do "MEST" work. We had some envelopes to stuff there in the room. I had no interest in doing any work for them, so I didn't. We missed dinner one night, the first night, because we didn't know these "special rules" for "ethics particles", so we went down the street to the chicken place and bought some food. This just really pissed them off!! I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to ask the others what was going on, so some of them told me why they were there. Steven Rabey was there because he had gotten drunk and made some kind of scene. One of the class nine auditors, Karen, was leaving because her daughter was retarded and needed care, and her husband had left a few months before. One girl about 18 or 20 years old whose dad was one of the Solo NOTS C/Ses, would sit and cry and was TERRIFIED all the time. I asked her if she was routing out, and she said no, but we weren't supposed to ask. One of the young course supes, a bright kid, said that he was starving all the time, and only could pay attention to being hungry by a certain time of day, and wasn't able to concentrate on anything else. I didn't tell anyone that we were leaving. They knew anyway. One of them asked me if I would get another airplane after I got out (I had been forced into selling mine). I told him, of course!

I demanded to see the MAA, as I was told that he was now my "terminal" (the kid at the AO). He would promise to meet us at a certain time, and would not show, or call. We were lied to over and over. When he finally came, bolstered by his security guard buddy, the "tough guy", he told us that since we were OTs it was hard to find an ouditor to do our sec checks, and that he was doing his best to line it up. We offered to pay for it if needed. He said, oh yes, that will speed things up. This went on and nothing happened. One day the security guard who does the ethics interviews for the staff came and took me into that nasty cigarette butt room in the parking garage, and tried to get me to tell him some horrible "overt" that would explain why I was leaving and tried to convince me to go and leave my husband in the SO, and pay my debts, and come back. I said No way, we are married, and we want to be together, but you can ask him what he wants to do. I was so tired and hungry, I doubt that he got any "reads", but since it's all pretend, well, who cares?

July 4 was a Monday. On Friday morning I told my husband I'm not going to the Coachman. He saw that I meant it. We stayed in our room. Soon the guards came pounding and asked what we were doing. I said, we are leaving. Now. Today. I was told I couldn't go until I talked to Matt, the MAA, so there was one phone at the Hacienda, down near the pool, in a moldy room. We were told to go call him. When I went down there, another security guard was on the phone and wouldn't let me use it. He stayed on the phone over an hour. I finally called, and Matt and his evil buddy came out and yelled at us. We were packing. I told them we were going. I still had my cell phone, and was just about to call 911. I didn't tell them that- but only 2 things kept me from calling- my husband didn't want me to, and I figured that it was possible that no one would help us anyway, from the Clearwater Police. Then what would I do?

We were told that we had to sign some forms before we could go. It took hours for them to get the forms. We signed some but not all- for example, that we couldn't come to the Tampa Bay area without telling them first! Give me a break!! But, anything I signed was DEFINITELY under duress. My car license plates had expired, because I wasn't getting my mail. I told them I was driving anyway, to the tax collector's, to get it handled, and that we would go and rent a U-Haul and be back for our furniture in an hour or so. We left and did just that. And we did take all of our furniture, except for some things we had given to other SO members. More about that later. After we loaded the truck, they said they had to "inspect" our stuff to make sure we weren't stealing anything!! I told them earlier, that if they wanted to do that, do it while we are gone. The guard tried to make us unpack everything. I told him to go to hell. We left. And here we are!

I do apologize for the length of this post. I get carried away.

30 Aug 2006 06:50

It's great out here!

I can't understand why anyone would support an organization that they have heard horrible things about, and say, well, I'll never join the SO- but they rush to pay and pay and pay and clamor for more!!

Another thing I don't get is when someone escapes-literally- like from the RPF at Int, which is apparently far harder than leaving FSO, then goes back and wants to DO SERVICES!!!!! What's up with that? They got it, at least long enough to escape, then what happened??

I saw them for what they were. I saw it myself, and I believe myself!

There are a lot of SO members who must be still deluding themselves. There are others who have already gone over to the dark side, and are part of the evil. I think that doubt sets in (how could it NOT?), but I guess some just can't believe it's that evil, or they are too hungry, or too young, or too scared, or whatever? Anyway, I truly hope that the non-evil ones escape and get to be free too.

One example is a friend who is there with his whole family- wife, and all his kids. They are in over their heads. If they "talk to each other", they will be separated. The wife, who must have been a really cool person once, has gone over the edge. The kids have been there since a very young age. I KNOW that he wants out- but if he goes, he will lose them all. It just breaks my heart. Actually, he has already lost them all. If he stays, he is lost. If he goes, they are lost to him. How evil and horrible!

2 Sept 2006

Not only did they try to make use agree to let them know itf we came in the area, they also tried to stipulate that we would pay them $10,000 or some absurdity if we violated this agreement!!!! Of course we didn't agree to that one either!

Yes, it is nice to decide to have a glass of wine or take an aspirin if I want to.

I guess they figure if you are brainwashed enough to buy a safe and glue and bolt it to your floor, and to agree that you can't go anywhere without notifying the C/S, or take your "ball and chain" (solonots materials) with you, that they still have a shot at controlling you. All you guys who are out there yearing to be a "Solo NOTS" auditor, just realize that the top of the bridge requires almost total brainwashing. Also, there IS NO SECRET- it's all on the internet, it's just "BTs" and more "BTs" so PLEASE, DON'T GO THERE!!!

In fact, another thing that made me question all this crap was that when the "completions" on OT VII were doing the final solo sessions, they were told not to "look too far away" for more BTs, since the EP is "no more BTs". (Wasn't that the EP of OT III?????)

04 Sep 2006 04:45 I'm sorry, I don't know many of the answers to your questions. Barbro was an MAA when I was public, then disappeared. I, of course, was told she was "transferred". I did see her right before we left, though, back on some "normal" post (if such a thing exists in the SO).

Ol' Debbie has a good-looking husband, sounds like maybe he is an aussie, can't remember his name. He's in charge of Div 6 at FSO now.

The others, I don't know.

So sorry to hear about Trina Kjeldsen. I feared as much, as she was being given an "assists program" and probably didn't get much else (just conjecture, here- I don't have the facts).

It is somewhat therapeutic to write these stories, especially under my real name, as I want my former friends to read them. I am impressed by the number of people reading these posts, so perhaps I am helping someone. It is never easy to admit to yourself that you have been bragged- bad- for a period of your life. With the $cientology indoctrination, it is even harder, as you could go into self-invalidation. I only lost 10 years of the prime of my life, and about $1.2 million. At least I didn't lose my family, so really, I had it pretty easy. I also gained a wonderful husband, who I probably wouldn't have met otherwise.

Just remember, living well is the best revenge!

So far, other than being followed, and sending my former "friends" from $cientology to get info, or having them call me, nothing has happened. I have made friends with all my neighbors, and they know our story, and the situation. Our house is constantly watched by neighborhood people.

I have contacted several lawyers, and other professionals, who know what is going on, and are familiar with the "fair game" thing. My friends all over the world know, and so, should anything happen, I will become a martyr and create some REALLY bad PR for them.

I decided that I have to tell the truth. I don't have to make up lies about any of this. I wish I did!! I can't really influence anyone if I hide behind a pseudonym, so here I am.

One has to make a decision. I did.

My husband and I were separated only while he was in the EPF and when I was, a little later, altogether about 4 weeks. We both discussed it and chose to leave, together. He wanted to "route out standardly". I didn't, and after 4 days of BS and being jerked around, he agreed. The security guard who does the "leaving staff sec checks" tried to convince me that I should go and handle our debts and leave my husband there, in the SO, then come back. We disagreed and left together, NEVER TO RETURN!!!!

I was reminded tonight of an incident I had forgotten about. When I first got posted in the Solo NOTS HGC, we had one of our musters in the C/S office, with the Solo I/C, the SN C/Ses, the SN Ds of P, and the Lead SN D of P. The Solo I/C was ranting and raving about some videoed sessions she had reviewed, of a SN auditor who was audited on 70+ hours of FPRD by a Class IX auditor (remember, this was at the FLAG AO, "the mecca of technical perfection"). Apparently there was NOT ONE INSTANT READ, but whatever else that was there ("prior" and "latent" reads) had been run-FOR SIX INTENSIVES! (Her point was that we should all be reviewing these taped sessions more often, to prevent these kinds of incredible screw-ups.)

The Solo I/C was HORRIFIED by this and was so worried that such gross mistakes would become known. She still thought the "tech" worked. I'm sure RTC was just laughing their butts off!

I was sickened by this. I wondered why that mistake wasn't admitted to the public that it happened to, and made right, as much as possible. I personally had been through some pretty awful auditing, but of course, it's always the PC's fault, not the auditor's.

Of course, since I now know that it's all BS anyway, the "technical" errors are no big deal. But WHAT A SCAM!!

15 Sept 2006: More like $55K- Class 9 intensives are $9K+

The point is, THERE IS NO "TECH". RTC DOES NOT CARE about "standard tech", and it really doesn't matter. The product is a person who is hypnotized into paying more money, and has told enough of his secrets that he is trapped into staying there in case he starts to figure it out. How the auditor gets that product is really of no concern to RTC.

All of these "fine points" to auditing are just a big smoke screen to add complexity and introvert you.

Once I went to a bookselling seminar given by Barry Fine. He was demonstrating what he does to get people to buy Dianetics, when giving "stress tests" on the meter. He shows them the needle and asks them a question, like "What worries you the most?" Usually, there would be a read, if lucky an LFBD. He would say "BOOM! WHAT WAS THAT?" and then proceed to talk to them until they bought the book.

Someone asked, "What if there is no read?" He answered, "I would say 'BOOM! WHAT WAS THAT?" anyway- they will never notice that there isn't a read."

I used to believe in the meter more than I do now. I have "F/Ned" too many times when I was pissed off, or dead tired, or starving (especially when in the SO!), to really think that it is very accurate. You believe what you expect to have happen, most of the time.

I have SO many examples of lies told to me by registrars, it's not even funny. One that stands out in my mind as incredibly pitiful: Rudy Kempner, of Planetary Dissem, once came to me while I was waiting for session (another reasion to have you wait) and told me that he needed $14,000 to help get some SO members out of trouble. He told me the story was too entheta to tell the public, but since I had such "high confront" that he would tell me. He told me that 2 SO members had been arrested in Lebanon or Palestine or somewhere and were going to be stoned to death. He assured me that this kind of thing still went on. It was interesting that I had just put $14,000 into a trust fund with a lawyer to pay off a cycle, so I'm sure that's where the amount came from. He told me he had only told 1 other public because it was "so awful". I said, you're making this up. He denied it and kept on and on. I even asked him later about it and he swore he didn't make it up. I did ask him how the $14,000 would be used, and he told me for TWTH books!!! Like THAT would prevent such a thing!!

I also spotted a really interesting reg cycle, after we left $cientology. Shortly after I got married (I was on OT V), Dave Foster tried to get me to pay $6000 for intensives for my husband to get back onto OT VII. My husband had a long "program" to do, so I said no, we just don't have the money (I hadn't been working for a year and a half, so I could "go up the Bridge, full-time").

So a few days later, I was asked to fly to Miami to pick up a new SO recruit. My auditor gave me his blessing to miss session for a day, so my husband and I went, with Sam Scelza, to Miami in my plane. The communication lines to find out what was happening with this new recruit were incredible. Sam had no cell phone. We had to use ours, and call FLAG, who would try to relay info (realize, this is all intentional BS). So, the girl was supposed to arrive from Ecuador at 11:00 Pm or something. We got there, and were then informed that her flight had been cancelled or she missed the connection, or something, so we would have to stay overnight, and get her the next day. So, what the hell, we were having fun, so we went to find a restaurant and get some food. Halfway there, we got a call back, saying she was in Miami after all!! By now, it's midnight or so.

We turned the car around and went to Miami International to pick her up. We found her easily at that time of night, as she had been waiting there for hours and there were few other people. She was hungry, and we were too, so we went to Bennigan's by the airport and ate. By the time we left there, it was 2 AM. We drove back to Opa Locka airport, where my plane was, and flew back to Clearwater. We took Sam and the girl to the Coachman. Sam said he didn't have any way to get anybody to take her to a berthing and he left her with us. We were told we had to find somewhere for her to sleep. We had no spare room in our house, so we took her to a motel (back the other way), and had to PAY for her damn room!! We got home at 5 AM, and went to bed.

At about 11 AM, ol' Dave Foster was pounding on my door. I ignored him. He actually trespassed on my property, opened my gate, and went into my fenced back yard by the pool, where he stood and yelled "Donna! Mike! It's Dave. You have to talk to me." Again we ignored him, and tried to sleep. He called on the phone, and I told him to go away, I was tired. He kept on pounding and yelling, until finally we went and let him in, and paid him the money to make him go away.

Looking back on this, I see the evil machinations of their little minds, setting it all up, with the control factors, the sleep deprivation, and so on.

Incredible, huh!!! $cientologists are trained robots, and don't even know it!

22 Sept:

think that at first, the SO slaves think that they are doing the "greatest good", but how can anyone turn a blind eye to all the HUGE glaring outpoints as an SO member????? A lot of them figure out really quickly that they have to treat others bad in order to survive, themselves. (See my story about the "marks" and "con artists" on the "through the door interviews").

But, does this justify the lying and "raping" of public???

I don't agree with this as an excuse. These people (the reges), no doubt, are in a living hell of their own creation.

You know, it's really funny, that one of the things that got me to just leave was an LRH quote (not verbatim, sorry) where he says "I was never a slave, because I never WANTED to be one". This time the tables were turned, and his own twisted BS was used against him!I was told SOOOOOOO many lies by registrars.

It always bothered me, from the start, to hear the $cienos call others "wogs". It seemed so snotty, and didn't make any sense, as they wanted EVERYBODY'S money, including the "wogs'"!! Ol' Ron TELLS us (again) that people don't confront evil. So in his sick sense of things, he DOES deliver what he promises- it's all there in black & white (or red or green), as that sucker laughed.

But, as the old proverb says, he who laughs last, laughs best.

Running and hiding isn't a good way to spend your life. it's better to be honest and sleep well at night.

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